Dec 16, 2011

Chopsticks for one?

I’ve had a great day, second in a row actually so I’m slowly recovering from a bit of a hellish 25 hour shift on Wednesday. I know I complain half the time, but I actually do have good days too.

After the shift on Wednesday I had tears streaming down my face on the bike ride home. I guess it was a combination of being seriously sleep deprived, having had a bad couple of days just before the nightshift and listening to a sad song while thinking of a patient I’d seen during the night. I don’t usually get emotional about my patients, I can count the patients I’ve been sad about on one hand. This wasn’t even one I had anything to do with, I just happened to witness a very emotional and private moment in a family’s life and for some idiotic reason I imagined my own family going through it even though we never have and probably never will.

Anyway, I was having a pretty bad morning and even though I had decided to go home and sleep away the day, I suddenly changed my mind and ended up hopping on a train and going to visit a friend. I love that I can do that, decide on a whim to do something completely different from what I had planned. I love that I don’t have to ask or explain to anyone. The visit turned out to be exactly what I needed to get through the day. I got to talk and drink tea and relax, then I got to cuddle the sweetest little girl and experience the thrill of calming her down and making her smile. It just gives you energy and a warmth that you can’t get anywhere else.

Today I got to continue to cuddle babies, only today they were a bit on the sick side. I had my second visit to the pediatric department and it was, of course, wonderful. I got to talk to pediatricians and general practitioners who work there, and though they had a bunch of interesting thing to say they were mostly preoccupied with getting home on time. They had kids, husbands, wives and responsibilities waiting for them after work, they practically missed the smiles and the jokes the kids made because they were so stressed! I was dead tired but I couldn’t help myself – I love it there, and stayed a couple of hours more than planned and again, nobody gets pissed at home and nobody get’s stressed because of my change of plans – my way, my life and nobodies goddam business but my own. I love it.

Though the day couldn’t get much better I stopped for sushi to just really put it over the top, and when the Asian guy asked me if I just wanted chopsticks for one person I gave him the biggest smile I have and said a very happy YES!

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