Aug 9, 2011

Not being the leader of the pack

Motivation is a tricky thing. You need it for everything, not just the big goals, but for everyday living. I guess if you don’t have any motivation you really depend on diciplin. In my life I have hade one big goal – to become a doctor. Ok, so what do I do when I can check that one off my list?

I only first realised this was my problem a couple of days ago. Diciplin has always been really difficult for me, but I had a goal and I knew just what I had to do to get it. I had to study, attend class, pass exams and focus. For the exams I had books or list that I could turn to, to know exactly what I needed to read – even though it of course is hard, there isn’t really that much thinking involved. Or actually, creativ thinking, thinking of ones own. The path was pretty well market and I just had to follow.

I am the worst thing one could be – a follower. It’s not that I like rules, it’s just so much more confortable than making your own. I’m good at it, I always had to be, and it’s always led me the right way. Now it’s a whole new game. The rules have changed – sometimes I feel like there just isn’t any anymore, or at least like everybody else got the list and I was forgotten. I have no idea how to go on from here. How do I get further, where do I want to go? And what do I have to do to get there?

When diciplin isn’t your strongest suite you really (really!!) need motivation – but to have that, you need a goal. So what is my goal? I guess the first step is to acknowledge that I (for the time being) don’t have one, and that my first goal is to get one. So I’m going hunting for a goal, for motivation and for a way to get my life – further, better, richer and happier.  

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