Nov 18, 2011

A girl that lives in the past

I have this strange thing with sad songs. I love them. I get addicted to them and have to listen to them over and over again. For a period it was River by Joni Mitchell, it always made me cry and I always found it just around Christmas (of course). This year I’ve decided not be so negative about Christmas, so I think I’ll just skip it when I do my “Christmas playlist”. But I still need a sad song, you know – just in case I feel like a good cry, so I’m thinking of making “Friend in a bar” by Tina Dickow my go-to-song for crying. I really do think it’s the saddest song I have ever heard. It hits way to close to home for me to even stand a chance of not bawling when I listen to it. Is there really anything more tragic than wasting your life by your own choosing? Waiting for your “real” life to start, being hung up on the past and not realising until it’s too late. I always panic when I catch myself thinking about my life as a waiting room, it’s probably one of my biggest fears, to miss out and later realise that all this time that I thought of as a waste and just a hassle to get to the good stuff actually was the part I was supposed to be enjoying.

I don’t always love my life – as a matter of fact, I very seldom do. I don’t really think of it as a problem, I imagine most people don’t go around loving their life on a daily basis, but I do think it’s a good life – it’s like a photo before being improved in Photoshop, there’s a lot of potential! So for a while now I’ve been thinking of doing a list – not really a Bucket list, just a list of stuff that could perk up the already pretty ok life I have. Funnily enough just doing that, or thinking of doing that, gives a very mundane Friday a bit of a silver lining, like it’s the start of something – maybe even, a Photoshoped life.

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