Sep 22, 2011

If you promise not to fade away

It amazes me how some things just change, for no specific reason, or actually for many difficult to point out reasons. There really isn’t any difference if it’s a beginning or an end, in nine out of ten cases I have no idea how I became friends with the people I now call my closest and dearest friends, it just happened, one day you were acquaintances and the next you're telling each other stuff you’ve never told anybody else and picturing being the bridesmaid at her wedding.
Almost the same way it goes backwards sometimes, you stop sharing the important parts of your life, you stop feeling the need to see each other as often as you used to, and all of a sudden there really isn’t anything to say or any reason to meet. It’s weird, or at least I think it is. I don’t know how often I’ve speculated about this phenomenon. How something so important becomes so trivial, someone you care for so deeply becomes the person you kind of dread running into in the street because you know it’ll be awkward and forced.

I some times think about old friendships, people who meant a lot to me at the time, and I find it really hard missing them, or accepting the fact that I do. I miss the feeling of having fun, laughing, knowing what that special look meant – but I tell myself that I’m not really missing the person whom I was with. I guess it’s because most often than not, that person doesn’t even exist anymore. Once a friendship is lost I believe it’s lost forever, you can never get the same feeling back again it’s just gone. If you at some point would take up the friendship again it’ll be something completely different, a new friend, and a new relationship.

I (of course!) read David Nicholls “One day” this summer – who didn’t? And even though I regretted reading it in Danish (I really need to stick to reading books in their original language when I can…) I liked the book. It got off to a rough start because I actually forgot the book at home when I went to London (I know, I’m stupid!) and as I found out that London really isn’t my cup of tea, the book seamed somehow tainted by that, being set in the British capital and all. The other problem was that I felt it was such a waste of time, not the book, but the time lost by the Dex and Em. I felt like they wasted their best years and that just drove me mad, and I guess that’s because I related to that part a little too much. Now I can’t help but watch the trailer again and again, wishing the movie will be different, making them get there faster – I’m preparing myself for a disappointment when I go in and see it.

Christ I ramble! The reason why I even brought the book up in this post was because they have that kind of a relationship that keeps changing; they just kind of have a way of bringing the original “good part” back everytime the friendship blooms again. At one point Emma tells Dexter that she loves him, she just doesn’t like him anymore, and I remember reading that in the book and getting a big lump in my throat. The stupid changes you can’t control, suddenly you’re friends with a person you hardly know and it hurts because you didn’t even realise your real friend just doesn’t exist anymore.

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