Heartbeats

You know what's the worst? Waiting. I can't handle waiting. I feel my skin start to crawl and my hands start to itch, and my heart, oh my poor heart it's rhythm increases as the minutes tick by. Today I've been very focused on my phone. I don't remember any other day I've been so grateful for work, today the kids have been the only way to get my mind away from my phone, and from the waiting.

I was waiting for a call, or an e-mail - a sign, any sign that the meeting I had last week and the meeting I had yesterday had gone well. Then at last it came, an e-mail with the most wonderful words in the first sentence - I'm pleased to welcome you... Amazing! Luckily I didn't have patients at the time because I had to jump up and dance around just a little bit to celebrate. Today I won't be scared of what this means and what will come, today I'll just be happy and proud and bubbly.

So if that waiting is over, why am I bitching about it? Well, when I have an excess of energy I tend to do this one thing - bake. It makes me happy and I get to pound a dough senseless. But there's just one little tiny problem, the raise! Sweet Jesus I'm bad at waiting. And as I wait for the dough to double it's size I can't help but start feeling my skin crawl, my hands itch and my heart beating like a maniac. But maybe today the heartbeat isn't anxiousness, maybe it's just pure relief, joy and happiness? Maybe what I need isn't to sit down, breathe deeply and relax, maybe what I need is to jump and shout and dance around? 

And later, when the bubbles are out of my system, I'll enjoy the most delicious cinnamon rolls and a big glass of milk in the company of one of my favorite girls in the world!

Update: Three hours later, I'm done eating buns, drinking tea and talking and talking and talking. Some days are just really close to perfect - and today was really really close.