I’m not sure why but I always take special pride in not being an easy read. One of my favourite things to say (or at least think) is – you don’t even know me! It doesn’t matter if it’s someone I’ve just met or someone I’ve known for years, I still ultimately believe that nobody knows me that well. There are a lot of things from my past and my family life that I don’t tell and don’t deal with – things I pretend are irrelevant for my current situation but that probably (or actually, with 100% certainty!) are defining factors in understanding why I am the way I am.
This summer I was called an ostrich – I don’t remember if the word coward was actually uttered, but it was definitely implied. I’m sure people have thought it before but no one has ever said it to my face. I’d never thought about myself as a coward, well at least not concerning the whole “dealing with your past”-thing. I mean I know I never (ever!) tell a guy I like him, or walk up to someone in a bar or anything like that – in that sense I am a huge (!) coward, but I mean, a lot of people are when it comes to those things (right?).
So maybe I am a coward, I think things are revealed – or dealt with – when the time is right, no reason to go digging.
Hmm… where did I actually come from…? Oh yeah, the “you don’t even know me” thing. Turns out I’m a pretty easy read for some people despite of myself, specially when it comes to good things. I can’t hide it when I’m happy, I’m much better at hiding it when I’m sad or pissed, but have you ever tried to stop smiling or blushing when a friend is on to you about something that is making you very happy? It’s impossible!
So I guess some people actually do know how to read me (even through a webcam!) and I’m happy that they do – it means I’ve showed them a bit of myself in the last (almost) decade. Even more importantly they’ve actually taken the time and effort to get to know me and learn to read me, because it is ultimately a two-person-job, it’s not only the opening up and showing oneself, it’s just as much the having someone looking and wanting to know.
The picture is as usual from here