A place in hell

Ever heard the Madeline Albright quotation that says "there's a special place in hell for women who don't help other women"? I’ve always liked it. I still do, only now I think it might mean I’m going to hell and I must say, I’m not thrilled about that.

I hate to be the kind of person that stands in the way of another girl getting ahead, I just really (really!) hate having another girl shoved in front of me when I’m just trying to get used to the thought that I might need to compete really hard to get what I want. I hate competitions. Actually I hate to lose (and usually I do) so mostly I just kind of stay away from the whole thing – I know it’s stupid. I suppose it’s the story of my life, for risk of losing I don’t get in the game and instead stand back thinking of myself as the bigger person who steps aside to let someone else get a chance, while simultaneously kicking my self for being such an idiot.

Another (stupid) saying is “good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere”. Ultimately I don’t think you need to be a bad girl to get everywhere, but maybe you just don’t need to bend over backwards to let someone else pass you either?

I really don't want to be an idiot.

Right now I’m struggling to find a middle way in this because I’m finding it close to impossible, hopefully I’ll figure it out before long and before I lose more sleep over it – because good girl or bad girl, a sleep deprived girl is in this case also known as a grumpy bitch.