Doing big things

So I had a meeting with MSF last Friday. We talked about how my recruitment had gone and the different steps there are in the whole process of being sent to the field. I'm now in the preparation phase and boy am I feeling it. There are a million things to do and I'm doing lists like never before, but that might be because I keep losing them... I can sometimes get overwhelmed by everything I need to get in order and my thoughts can't help themselves, they race off to a month from now, five months from now and a year from now - how do I want things to look then? I keep struggling with wanting to sit on two chairs at once. I'm highly devoted to my career here at home and I don't want to miss any chances, but I know that I can't do both things at once and deep down I know that there will be a job for me when I get back. But it's difficult to settle and be comfortable with your own decision when everyone around you are busting their butts to pimp their resumés while I practically take a year off and say screw it, I'm doing this for me and I don't care about the consequences. Because I do care!

Anyways, after I received a to do list from MSF themselves (which suddenly made my own list stretch over two pages...) I feel like I have something tangible to do. It always helps on my chaotic thoughts to have some practical stuff to do that I can check off the list after I'm done. Somehow taking some passport photos of myself is much easier to accomplish and therefor more satisfying, than the stupid "get the apartment ready for quick packing so that you can scram on a moments notice" task I have on one of my lists.

As I said, I know everything will turn out fine - better even! I know this is what I want to do and I'm actually kind of proud of myself for taking this year off the conveyor belt, I think it'll be really good for me, but at the same time I'm giving myself permission to be scared and nervous, it is a big deal and you're supposed to feel nervous when you're doing big stuff.