Oct 29, 2012

Me - the before version

It's amazing how shaky my foundation is when a tiny little incident can bring me to tears. I never used to be like that. In fact I used to laugh a little and look down at people who cried about everything and nothing, and now here I am, a crybaby like you've never seen one.

A couple of days ago when I thought I had under-reacted to something at work I felt like that said something about how deeply inept I am at my job, like I could never learn and do better. Of course that is a huge overreaction to the situation! Not only can I learn to be better, I have to - I'm still far (far!) from being the doctor I'm going to be, this is me the "before" version. The fact that our boss the next day (while I was busy trying to apologize for my mistake) said that she actually thought my approach was better and that it was the one she would have chosen, makes me feel heaps better, but it doesn't change the fact that I have to accept that to become the doctor I want to be I'm going to be able to handle people correcting me. The biggest problem with this? Most people are horrible at doing it in a good way.

I've been thinking a lot about how one simple comment could affect me that much, I mean sad and disappointed is expected - but devastated is just a whole other ballpark! What I have narrowed it down to is just that - the way it was said. I've been corrected before of course, but never have I been made to feel like I was the stupidest and/or most irresponsible person to walk in to a hospital. I've never been looked at with that kind of exasperation and the "you'll never learn" expression she had plastered on her face. I might make a mistake and I might overlook something at some point, but I'm not stupid, I'm in no way irresponsible and I will always learn from it, anyone saying otherwise is just plain wrong.

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