Aug 19, 2012

The melted ice-princess

I don't like to be wrong. Who does? I especially don't like to be wrong about myself. I tend to think that I know myself very well, so it doesn't really sit well to find out that one of the things I've always considered one of my key trait is wrong.

It's strange but I consider myself a pretty cold person. I'm not sure friends and family would agree, but I know how much I actually keep inside and how much I censor out. I very seldom get extremely angry or (unfortunately) happy. I tell my friends a lot, but never the darkest most embarrassing and self degrading thoughts, those I keep to myself - let them grow and fester inside until I feel ten times worse than when everything started. Very healthy, I know.

This Friday I had the strangest roller coaster day I think I might ever have had - emotionally speaking. I was on the highest of high and fell subsequently to the lowest of low. First of all I am impressed by the fact that I even have the emotional range to move that much, it's good to know that no matter what I sometimes might think, I'm actually not made of ice. Second of all I'm happy (and a bit embarrassed) that I was surprisingly honest to one of my very best friends whom I kept texting until the early hours in the morning. Third and lastly I'm extremely pleased that already Saturday morning came with some leveled thoughts and insight - and best of all, I didn't break in the process. I know it's weird, I think I've only ever mentioned it to one other person before and I got some very weird looks in response, but I'm always afraid that if I ever let myself get really sad I might never be happy again. I know, it's stupid but non the less it feels real at the moment.

All in all a very interesting Friday. Who knew I could actually feel so much in such a short period of time?

The outfit for Fridays roller coaster ride

Taking the train from Malmö to Copenhagen Friday evening

Another extremely interesting fact? I always tell myself (and very often other people tell me) that I have too high standers that people can't live up, that I'll never be impressed or surprised because I always expect better or more. Well that is a lie. Some people impress and surprise in the most amazing ways - ways I didn't even have the fantasy to imagine beforehand. It's good to know, and to remind yourself when people disappoint you or other people try to lower you expectations. I smile just thinking about it.   

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