Doing big things

So I had a meeting with MSF last Friday. We talked about how my recruitment had gone and the different steps there are in the whole process of being sent to the field. I'm now in the preparation phase and boy am I feeling it. There are a million things to do and I'm doing lists like never before, but that might be because I keep losing them... I can sometimes get overwhelmed by everything I need to get in order and my thoughts can't help themselves, they race off to a month from now, five months from now and a year from now - how do I want things to look then? I keep struggling with wanting to sit on two chairs at once. I'm highly devoted to my career here at home and I don't want to miss any chances, but I know that I can't do both things at once and deep down I know that there will be a job for me when I get back. But it's difficult to settle and be comfortable with your own decision when everyone around you are busting their butts to pimp their resumés while I practically take a year off and say screw it, I'm doing this for me and I don't care about the consequences. Because I do care!

Anyways, after I received a to do list from MSF themselves (which suddenly made my own list stretch over two pages...) I feel like I have something tangible to do. It always helps on my chaotic thoughts to have some practical stuff to do that I can check off the list after I'm done. Somehow taking some passport photos of myself is much easier to accomplish and therefor more satisfying, than the stupid "get the apartment ready for quick packing so that you can scram on a moments notice" task I have on one of my lists.

As I said, I know everything will turn out fine - better even! I know this is what I want to do and I'm actually kind of proud of myself for taking this year off the conveyor belt, I think it'll be really good for me, but at the same time I'm giving myself permission to be scared and nervous, it is a big deal and you're supposed to feel nervous when you're doing big stuff.

More than a thousand words

So it's been a terribly grey and uneventful sunday. One of those days where I spend the whole day thinking that I should travel more, like leaving tomorrow. It always gets me thinking about last time I went somewhere and browsing the photos I've taken on my (not that many) trips. 

Doing that I came over this picture and it's just the best photo ever. It might not be the best quality or lighting or anything - it's a pretty random shot taken with my phone. The reason why it's special is the girl on the lower left corner. This is the friend whom I went to Paris with last fall. We were looking around the Notre Dame on a rainy afternoon and like so many tourists got separated inside the big cathedral filled with people. I'm not sure how long we walked around trying to find each other before we both figured it was easiest to just wait by the exit. When I found her there I just couldn't figure out how she'd passed me as she was walking behind me and I was actually looking for her. Afterwards when I was browsing the photos I'd taken inside I found this one, with her in it, and I was so surprised. It's taken just as she's passing me without seeing me and I'm taking a picture without realizing she's in it. 

I have a tendency to take a lot of pictures when traveling, most of them are useless. They aren't particularly good and don't really say that much about the trip. This one is different, it has a story and a great friend in it.

It's in his kiss

In honor of this international love fest of a day here are some pics of happy couples smooching - or at least I choose to see them as happy couples and not some random hookups, but you know, whatever floats your boat...

So whether you're into the whole flowers, chocolate and hearts thing or you feel your gag reflex being triggered just by me mentioning them, I'm pretty sure we can all agree that kissing is a pretty good thing. 

I haven't always been a big supporter of Valentines day as I do think it's a commercialized non-holliday where the main goal is to get people spending money on silly things. The idea of first giving a girl chocolates and then a thong to hop into (or whatever lingerie the salesclerk said would be super flattering and sexy) is just kind of cruel don't you think? The result is as always with gift-giving-hollidays a bit of a letdown if you ask me.

But anyways, I've come around and I now feel like if one day out of the year we're driven to consumerism for love, at least it's a better reason than most other days of the year.

I like thinking about all the love floating around the world this day, from the stupid roses that are delivered in the High Schools to the (uninventive) proposals that are occurring in restaurants across the globe, I hope you're feeling the love. And if someone forgot to buy the overpriced flowers today and all you got was a kiss, I would say you're still pretty lucky.

Pic.source; My Pinterest board!

Waiting for courage - or numbness

So I had to take a blood sample on a kid a couple of nights ago. It's obviously not unusual and as you might imagine it's not their favorite part of being in a hospital, so it's not unusual that they fuss when we do it. Last night was a bit different though. 

We have this cream that you put on their elbow crease that gives a bit of local anesthesia and usually this is a good thing. However this kid last night hated it, and I really get it. He got it on and then he had to wait for it to take, that is he had to lay there thinking about the fact that he was going to have blood drawn for almost an entire hour! He yelled and cried and said he was scared, all very natural and very common but still, heartbreaking. Later I talked to our nurses about why we put it on in the first place. Sure it takes the pain away from the actual blood drawing, but when you're big enough to think about what's going to happen it just gives you a whole lot of time to think about it and become increasingly scared. When the hour had passed and our lab.technicians came he had screamed for an hour and then, less than a minute later it was over. Kind of anticlimactic and unnecessary if you ask me.

I've often talked to my sister about the fact that the saying "act your age" is the dumbest saying in the world, because people act like kids no matter what age they are. I know this because the fact that I'm pretty close to thirty doesn't change the fact that I am just like the little guy. The nurses thought he was exaggerating and that he was acting childish (I mean he was over five, you're supposed to be able to "suck it up" at that age... or something...) and I kept thinking - this is the most normal reaction I've seen since I've started working here. If someone tells me I have to do something I'm really scared of doing I get a huge lump in my stomach and the longer I wait the bigger it gets, at one point or another I know that if I don't do it I'll become a screaming maniac that just can't handle it anymore. 

Still I keep waiting, thinking at some point courage will come to me, the anesthetic will start working and I won't feel any pain. 

Source: 1

Making a mess

It's always strange to be away from work for a couple of days. I actually only had two days off, but still, it feels long somehow. When I come back I always feel a bit out of the loop, I don't know who the patients are or if there's been any problems. Then there's the tricky part of being the union representative, I'm supposed to know what's going on and it's difficult when my schedule consists of weekends and nights.

Oh well, enough bitching for one evening.

Or actually... There's also the part of me being a starter and not a finisher. When I have a couple of days off I always do this dumb thing, (besides getting sick!) I start rearranging the apartment. I remember when I lived at home I was always the one moving my furniture around in my room, rearranging and trying out new ideas. I haven't done it so much here, the living room has only been rearranged once or twice in a year and my bedroom has looked the same since I moved in. This means I was good and ready to do something about the bedroom. Yesterday I decided I don't need a workspace in my bedroom anymore (which is true, I've never once worked there) so I moved the table out into the living room and started to sort thru my folders. Today I have a table randomly standing in the path to the kitchen and next to my kitchen table (my new workspace) is a huge pile of papers that are supposed to be thrown out and one that I haven't gotten to sort thru yet.

Luckily I have all of next week off to hopefully fix this mess. Except I wanted to use next week to sort thru all my clothes, I think I might be able to get rid of half my wardrobe and definitely half my shoes... Now the question is how long I can stand having my bed facing the door before I get totally creeped out and have to move it again... 

And this is how it looked up until yesterday, today it looks way different, but as it's still a mess in there I'll hold on the pics for now.

A lovely weekend

With that in mind I'm pulling on my jacket and heading out into the snow/rainstorm and straight towards the little people that I haven't seen in over a week, I can't wait!